The weight of those things we hide from the world.
Wanting to Be Her
I was writing a final paper for one of my classes and we were talking about whiteness as the default and as the ideal. At first I was writing in an academic tone and citing research but then something kept bubbling up. It was sadness and pain and real. It was a memory of my first friend and her family. They were white and it was the first time I really knew anyone different from me like that. I loved her and her family. They were so different, eating different foods, reading different books. It really expanded my world in many beautiful ways. But the memories that kept coming out for me was not the beautiful expansive memories.
They were memories of wanting to be like her, to be her, to have what she had, to have her family. I saw what I had as not only different but less than. As I started thinking more about it I actually broke down crying. It was so heartbreaking to imagine myself, that sweet innocent little girl, not feeling good enough. So I went with it. I wrote that memory into my paper. Because what better way to understand how much of a default whiteness is than to see how it was exhibited in a five year old little brown girl.
It can be so scary to share from those places of hurt, of not feeling good enough. To be so vulnerable. But sharing from these places unites us with others. We see that realness. We relate. And we hold each other and grow together in community.
It reminds me of the time many years ago when I wrote one of these issues on my gratitude practice getting boring. I was so scared to share that but it resonated with so many of you. (Actually I should write about that again soon.)
So as you write down your gratitude this week take a risk and share something challenging and real. Share it here with us so we can see you, be here with you, and so we can all feel connected.
Whatever you’re trying to hide is what you need to write from. Whatever you’re trying to hide is what makes you an interesting writer.
~Gordon Lish
What are you grateful to share even though it is challenging?
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[su_note note_color=”#e7e7e7″ text_color=”#686767″ radius=”0″] My gratitude journey started in May 2011 and continues to this day. Thank you for being a part of it! A daily gratitude practice is simple. Write down three things you are grateful for each day. Download your free GratitudeGuide. My clients focus on gratitude and learn from their successes to make the positive changes they want in their lives. You can too. Call me to set up our first meeting 505.333.9336. [/su_note]