Gratitude is something you feel. Not something you tell others to feel.

Feel It or Don't. It's up to You Alone.

Today I saw this quote from Paul Ryan: This is one of those moments where we just need to step back and count our blessings. We need to think less about taking sides and fighting each other politically, and just pulling together.

It really pissed me off because it is a terrible combination of righteousness while also silencing the voices of others. There are few things I dislike, in myself and others, more than righteousness, when we put our own actions on a pedestal while judging others. Usually this is coupled with pushing our ways on other people. 

Maybe we just want to share something that worked for us. But regardless of our intentions it is a disempowering act to impose power over others. Power-over shows up as directly controlling others, telling them what’s wrong with them, what to do, and/or how to do it. It can be as subtle as offering suggestions or as blatant as bullying. In all its ways power-over is silencing and colonizing. It is saying "my way is the right way and your way is the wrong way." The alternative is power-with, a true sharing of power. In this approach we listen with the goal of understanding others, we accept people as they are, we respect their autonomy and acknowledge that their choices are their own, and we recognize their strengths.

Gratitude is a personal thing. You feel it when the feeling comes. Just like we can't tell people to feel happy, we can't tell people to feel grateful or to take up a written gratitude practice. It is hurtful and counter-productive to tell people that they "should be grateful". So, focus on you and your own gratitude practice. If you would like to engage with someone else about their gratitude, ask them what they are grateful for. You will have a power-with connection if you are genuinely interested in their perspective and if there are no right or wrong answers. They may share their gratitude or they may say “nothing”, or “it’s none of your own business” and that is OK.

 

 

Gratitude isn’t a burdening emotion.
~Loretta Young

What are you free to find gratitude in if you choose?

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[su_note note_color=”#e7e7e7″ text_color=”#686767″ radius=”0″] My gratitude journey started in May 2011 and continues to this day. Thank you for being a part of it! A daily gratitude practice is simple. Write down three things you are grateful for each day. Download your free GratitudeGuide. My clients focus on gratitude and learn from their successes to make the positive changes they want in their lives. You can too. Call me to set up our first meeting 505.333.9336. [/su_note]