How do you respond to an apology?
Teaching People How To Treat You
Setting personal boundaries is really tough. On some level all of us know how we want to be treated by others. But knowing it is only the foundation. We also have to communicate these boundaries and then honor them. I have been doing work on myself for many years and got really good at knowing what my boundaries are and even communicating them in a clear and straightforward way. But I still struggle with honoring my boundaries. I realize that I especially have a hard time when someone is being really nice and making amends afterward.
When someone says they are sorry to me, my first instinct is to say, “It’s OK”. But sometimes it’s not. It’s not OK for them to treat me that way. I set a boundary and I communicated it and then they went ahead and did the thing that I said was not acceptable. I want to stay in my integrity and continue to be kind but also enforce my personal boundary. So what should I do? ding ding ding! Say, “thank you”! I can be grateful for the apology without telling them that it’s OK to treat me that way.
So when people treat me in a way that I am not OK with, I am going to practice saying, “Thank you,” to their apology. Then I can reinforce my boundary and let them know that their behavior is not OK. If they do not change their behavior I might just have to walk away from the relationship. But at least with this practice I am no longer sending mixed messages.
Daring to set boundaries is about having the courage to love ourselves even when we risk disappointing others.
~Brené Browno
What personal boundary are you grateful you upheld?
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