Oh man, the crying headache. It aches like nothing else. Pounding, pulsing, it has it’s own heart beat.
Another Fucking Tragedy
Here we are again. We are collectively mourning. Again. Our tears pour down our faces and we ask more of ourselves than we were meant to ask. Sometimes I wonder how I can go on. One thing piles on to a huge pile of hurt.
Sunday I woke up to the grief of the largest mass shooting in United States history. A shooting of gay Latinos and I, a gay Latina, mourn in solidarity and mourn out of fear and mourn because I am human. Then a few hours later I found out that a friend died in her sleep, unexpectedly and suddenly. I just can’t take it. I don’t know how to go on. I don’t know how not to feel. My girlfriend suffering from excruciating pain, in and out of the hospital. Her pain sends tears down her face. My own tears have been streaming too but only after fighting through a damn of resistance I built up.
I fantasize about running away. I fantasize about being disconnected, digging myself a hole to close out the world of hurt that is out there. But then I realize these tears, these tears I try to hold back which make my head pound, these tears that spill forth as my head pulses, these tears have a heart beat. These tears are truth. They are emerging because I am human.
I have limitations because I am human.
I have so many emotions because I am human.
I don’t know what to do because I am human.
I also feel grateful because I am human.
I cry because I am human.
I have a dark place inside of me because I am human.
I heal because I am human.
My tears are healing because I am human.
My friend who died was one of us. She was a member of this collective. Actually she still is. I don’t have the heart to remove her. So she will get these messages of gratitude clogging up her unchecked email. Because she was all about gratitude I decided that in honor of her, instead of a moment of silence I would honor her with a moment of gratitude.
A Moment of Silence in Gratitude
What do you do in a moment of silence? Do you pray? Do your thoughts race with thoughts of this person? Do you meditate? Do you ask for help? Do you conjure up love? I have done all of these things, sometimes all at once. But this time was different. A moment of gratitude made the moment very calm. All I did was think about her and then in my mind I just repeated, “thank you, thank you, thank you.”
Thank you for being, Joanna.
I then offered a moment of gratitude to all those who were in the Orlando tragedy. A very powerful way to honor all of the victims and all who love them.
A moment of gratitude to honor those who are no longer with us. Give it a try.
Tears are the healing not the pain.
~Enda Junkins
Take a moment to honor someone who is no longer here. What are you grateful for about them?
LEARNING: I led a mini gratitude session with Native American elders. It was so humbling and at first I questioned if I had anything to offer. But I trusted and did it anyway. Afterward the oldest male, who is also a Tribal Council member, came up to me and bowed to me in appreciation for my gift and offering of the gratitude session. So grateful for this reminder that I am on the right path.
FORGOTTEN GRATITUDE: Last week I was also grateful for hawks, so many hawks, there and back and an elephant stampede.
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[su_note note_color=”#e7e7e7″ text_color=”#686767″ radius=”0″] My gratitude journey started in May 2011 and continues to this day. Thank you for being a part of it! A daily gratitude practice is simple. Write down three things you are grateful for each day. Download your free GratitudeGuide. My clients focus on gratitude and learn from their successes to make the positive changes they want in their lives. You can too. Call me to set up our first meeting 505.333.9336. [/su_note]