Discovering Happiness During My Mid-College Crisis
Something happened to me right around the time I turned 20. I called it my mid-college crisis and even though it was during the stone ages of the internet (back in 1995) I made a website about it. I questioned everything. Who am I? What am I doing with my life? What is important to me? What makes me happy? Does that matter? I was working with a lot of middle aged people who hated their lives and I was following their footsteps by taking classes that I was not enjoying. I didn’t enjoy eating or fashion because I thought I was fat. I would get anxiety when I had free time. I was pretty miserable and the only times I felt good were when I would go out drinking. When I was drinking I would let loose and just be. I looked at the people I worked with and decided that I wanted something more. But nothing seemed to help me feel better.
After what seemed like forever, but was probably just 4 months, I came out of it all with a clear answer: Happiness is a choice. And whether happiness, career, what I did or how I felt, they were all MY choices. After this realization I made some pretty big choices that changed the trajectory of my life. But the simplest choice was the most profound. I chose happiness and I was overjoyed with my choice. It was like I had discovered a superpower that I had all along and I couldn’t help but use it. I became a fanatic, pushing it on everyone around me. Instead of “goodbye” I said, “be happy”. Every card I wrote I said, “be happy”. When people would complain I would say, “be happy”. With a giant smile on my face I annoyed the fuck out of everyone. My happiness-pushing did not seem to be inspiring or effective in the least. I shrugged my shoulders and figured that they just didn’t want to be happy.
Then, 15 years later, I started practicing gratitude and sharing it with those around me. Now, without even trying I was inspiring people and connecting with them. Others started practicing gratitude and feeling happy. Then others around them started practicing gratitude and feeling happy.
And this, is why you never hear me say, “Be Grateful”.
Because 20 years ago I tried that and it did not make people happier and did not build connection. If anything people withdrew. My smiley face and demand to be happy created a divide between us. What is the difference between saying, “be grateful” and saying, “I am grateful for ___________”?
Vulnerability, sincerity, truth, details and speaking from the heart. That is what’s inspiring. When you show your humanness and your truth and through it all you manage to appreciate, it inspires others to as well.
Gratitude is the experience of our true self.
~Gina Lakes
In what ways does gratitude bring out your truest self?
LEARNING: I did a workshop on Friday and no one showed. I didn’t expect to feel so lonely. Often when plans fall through I get giddy with excitement of the freedom in my schedule. But as I sat there with all of my gratitude supplies and my heart brimming with inspiration and no one to share it with I couldn’t help but feel sad. I was in that for a bit, really feeling those emotions. And then, I didn’t feel so alone. My heart filled up and gratitude emerged. There was a big beautiful peacefulness in the room. A room I had never been in alone before. I felt warm and happy and sat down to share my gratitude in writing. But this time I decided that the gratitude was not meant to be shared so I tucked it into my purse and kept it just for me.
FORGOTTEN GRATITUDE: Last week I was also grateful for being able to go back to sleep in the early morning after the sleepless nights I have been having … Local shops that provide service you can not get online … The roses blooming on the same day I bought roses.
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[su_note note_color=”#e7e7e7″ text_color=”#686767″ radius=”0″] My gratitude journey started in May 2011 and continues to this day. Thank you for being a part of it! A daily gratitude practice is simple. Write down three things you are grateful for each day. Download your free GratitudeGuide. My clients focus on gratitude and learn from their successes to make the positive changes they want in their lives. You can too. Call me to set up our first meeting 505.333.9336. [/su_note]