Say It Like You Mean It

I’m so inspired by this cartoon and concept. It resonates with me but I’ve had trouble incorporating it into my life. Mostly I realized I said sorry instead of thank you after the fact when I reflect back on my day. So here is my reflection of when I said “sorry” and missed the opportunity to say, “thank you” today.

• This morning I was a few minutes late and instead of thanking them for their patience I said I was sorry. I could have said both.
• Someone purchased one of my products and I was running their credit card. It wasn’t working and I said sorry and then gave an explanation for the delay. I could have said, “Thank you for the support and your patience while I run your card.”
• I was networking and approached a group of people. The first words out of my mouth were, “I’m sorry” … not the best first impression. I was saying sorry for interrupting. I could have thanked them for welcoming me, for their attention, or even thanked them for being there.

Tomorrow I want to catch myself in the moment and say thank you instead of sorry. I’ll return here to share how it goes.

OK, so I didn’t actually do this the next day because I completely forgot. Then yesterday I had to really work at staying focused on my intention of catching myself in the act of saying “sorry”. It did happen a few times.

• The first time was when I was working at my mom’s store and I apologized for not having a large enough bag for the coat that they purchased. I realized after I said it that I was sorry but also I was thankful that they were so understanding.
• Later that night I did say that I was sorry to my girlfriend but it was a real one, not a substitute for gratitude.
• Finally, last night I was at a going away party for my friend Amy. There were many people hanging out in the kitchen and it was difficult to walk through. I almost said sorry but in the moment I caught myself and corrected my communication. Instead of the mindless sorry I said two things. First I said, “excuse me”. Then I said “thank you” when they gave me space to walk by.

Here are my lessons learned: Saying sorry is a mindless habit. I say it so many times it is ridiculous and it has no meaning or feeling behind it. And because it is mindless I don’t realize I said it until after the fact. It is very difficult for me to catch myself before apologizing. There is value in noticing after the fact because it allows me to take some time to find the gratitude that I really meant. I noticed that when I do stay focused on being intentional with my apologies I apologize a lot less and when I do I really mean it. The one time I was able to catch myself before apologizing it was really easy to replace the apology with gratitude.

 

I have a long way to go with changing this habit of mindless apologizing but I am grateful for the realization that I have so many missed opportunities to be authentically grateful. Do you apologize when you really mean to say thank you?

 

How we spend our days is, of course, how we spend our lives.
~Annie Dillard

What did you say sorry for that actually should have been a “thank you” instead?

LEARNING: Yesterday was such a whirlwind of gratitude and sadness and regret and grief and connection and joy and love and laughter and anger and compassion. What a wonder that I can feel all of the feelings all in one day.

FORGOTTEN GRATITUDE: Last week I was also grateful for being blessed with the gift of carrot cake just for me … The beautiful glisten and shine of direct sunlight on snow … The loveliest smelling home made soap, gifted to me in the very day I ran out of soap … Sitting in my car for a moment and the delight of hearing a woodpecker … The reminder to take a couple of deep breaths.

  

 

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[su_note note_color=”#e7e7e7″ text_color=”#686767″ radius=”0″] My gratitude journey started in May 2011 and continues to this day. Thank you for being a part of it! A daily gratitude practice is simple. Write down three things you are grateful for each day. Download your free GratitudeGuide. My clients focus on gratitude and learn from their successes to make the positive changes they want in their lives. You can too. Call me to set up our first meeting 505.333.9336. [/su_note]