Freedom in Uncertainty
I am preparing for the Dealing with Negativity webinar this Thursday and came across the work of Ellen Langer, Ph.D. She is a Harvard professor who has been studying mindfulness for forty years. She is quick to point out that she is not talking about mindfulness mediation and in fact instead of using the word mindfulness she likes to call it noticing. This immediately spoke to me. In my gratitude work I break gratitude down into three steps: noticing, appreciating, sharing. And I always say that the first step, noticing, is the most important one. Because we can’t be grateful for something if we don’t even notice it.
But her work goes beyond gratitude. In this excerpt from an interview (listen to the the entire interview) she talks about the difference that mindfulness can make in our interpersonal relationships.
“Universal uncertainty is an awareness: ‘I don’t know, you don’t know, in some sense we really can’t know.’ And then the interaction proceeds differently … When you do something that seems to me to be not right in some way, hurtful … if I’m operating within this absolute framework, this mindless framework, I then draw all sorts of negative attributions about you. I expect that you’re this kind of person. I then label you that way, respond to you in the future that way, and it’s almost impossible for you to break away from that. In this other way of viewing the world … you come to understand that people’s behavior makes sense from their perspective, or else they wouldn’t have done it. If you just ask yourself, ‘what sense does that behavior make?’ So you might see me as gullible but in fact, what I am is trusting. I might see somebody as rigid, but what they are is stable. And when you do this, you can sort of imagine how all sorts of interpersonal conflict falls by the wayside. Right? That all of the reasons you’re fighting with this person, or you dislike this person, whether it’s at home or at work, now you might have disliked them because they were so damned impulsive. But now you see they’re spontaneous. And so if it’s the case that now I see that the things that are happening to me are a function of my view of them, I needn’t be so afraid. So then I stand tall, and I can go out in the world, and all sorts of good things are going to happen.”
I am often fearful of uncertainty and this idea of universal uncertainty, that everyone is just as uncertain, did not bring me comfort. But then it all came together for me. Operating on certainty is a way of blindly repeating the past. It isn’t creative. It isn’t mindful. It isn’t love. It isn’t freedom. When we notice and actively continue to notice again and again it is the most beautiful uncertainty. The uncertainty of freedom. Freedom to create the lives we want to live. Freedom to change our reality. It is limitless because it is constantly generating.
A couple years ago I went through a transformational leadership program and in it they shared this same concept. Brandon Adams, the facilitator, said that there’s nothing wrong with that certainty, that automatic response. And there are times when it is vital for instance an Olympic athlete training to build their perfect automatic reaction. They don’t have the time to create a new original action every single time they compete. Adams says, “if you aren’t getting the results you want, go above the line.” Get out of auto-pilot, be present, notice and choose a new original action. This is you, creating. This is you creating the life that you want.
[su_quote cite=”Buddha”]The mind is everything. What you think you become.[/su_quote]
This Week’s Gratitude Question
[su_button url=”http://www.ourgratitudecollective.com/activity/” background=”#178fb3″]In what ways does noticing make you more appreciative?[/su_button]
My Gratitude Experience Last Week
Reading back on my gratitude it is really cool how much gratitude I can find when I am sick. And there’s even more … I’m grateful for everyone being so flexible and accommodating. I’m grateful for water and spittoons. I’m grateful for not being addicted to coffee and easily transitioning away from it when I need to. I’m grateful for feeling loved and being loved.
Forgotten Gratitude
Last week I was also grateful for an art transformation that is a better fit … Netflix and rest … The perfect painting becoming available, and surprisingly not getting snatched up, at just the right time for us.
A New eCard
Image by Antonia Montoya
The Gratitude I Shared The Last Two Weeks
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| Sun | 10/11/2015 | I’m grateful that Nicole brought me a beautiful bouquet of flowers that smells so delightful, no occasion, no special reason … An awesome voicemail from Jean that left me smiling widely … My family working together so effectively and efficiently … Alma holding my hand and making eye contact with me. |
| Sat | 10/10/2015 | Thank you to that woman who pointed out the sunset when I was so buried in work I hadn’t noticed. Thank you to hundreds of lovely people I was able to interact with this evening. Thank you Jessi for guiding me to make this lovely candle holder, I’m so grateful for watching the flame dance in color. Thankful that I could rest and eat well and have some time alone. Thank you, Dad, for giving us access to make money with this side gig every year, we are so fortunate. Good night, gratitude. |
| Fri | 10/9/2015 | I’m grateful for Eva’s laugh, all of us performing on-demand … An amazing sunset, continually changing color and shape … Making medicine … Restaurants that are open late to nourish me after my work shift. |
| Thu | 10/8/2015 | I’m grateful for medicine and rest … A day of getting shit done, riding the energy wave … I’m grateful for a surprise visit at just the right time from @jeherrera3 and cute old man, Chester. |
| Wed | 10/7/2015 | So these waves of feeling exhausted are frustrating … I am grateful that the up-waves were much smoother and longer today … I\’m grateful for a ridiculously generous Keva Juice gift card that fed me for three months … Thankful for an intern full of ideas and follow through … I\’m so grateful to listen to my body and follow its orders. |
| Tue | 10/6/2015 | I’m grateful for a healthy juice dinner … Pants that fit comfortably and look good, I deserve that, we all do … So much rest. |
| Mon | 10/5/2015 | I’m grateful that Nicole brought me home a warm delicious comforting meal right when my appetite roared … For rest … Oregano oil … A roof over my head a comfy bed under me and blankets over me … Freedom to not work when I need to prioritize rest and recuperation. |
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[su_note note_color=”#e7e7e7″ text_color=”#686767″ radius=”0″] My gratitude journey started in May 2011 and continues to this day. Thank you for being a part of it! A daily gratitude practice is simple. Write down three things you are grateful for each day. Download your free GratitudeGuide. My clients focus on gratitude and learn from their successes to make the positive changes they want in their lives. You can too. Call me to set up our first meeting 505.333.9336. [/su_note]