Asking Without Shame
One of the themes of the curanderismo class that I mentioned last week has been asking permission. Asking permission of the four directions, our ancestors, and mother earth to gather, to heal, to connect. Asking permission of plants to give of themselves to become medicine. This asking struck me as similar to gratitude but I didn’t quite know how or why. Sometimes for me asking permission is tied to not feeling worthy. I have been actively working on recovering my worthiness for a few years now. But in the curanderismo tradition this asking is not from a place of shame, not being enough, or being needy. It comes from a place of honoring, respect and connecting. Honoring ourselves, the interconnectedness of all: people, the land, creator and everything in between.
Let me unpack my baggage a little bit. I had a huge a-ha moment when I realized that my Catholic upbringing facilitated my feelings of not being worthy. Every Sunday for 18+ formative years I repeated this phrase, “Lord, I am not worthy to receive you. But only say the word and I shall be healed.” A light bulb went on and I understood that repeating this mantra left me feeling unworthy, shameful and more than anything felt alone. I felt separate from god, spirit, the universe, nature and other people.
My gratitude practice was never a religious thing for me. It wasn’t even a spiritual practice. Then one day I realized that every moment of feeling gratitude I felt inexplicably connected with everything. When I appreciated a sunset I felt I was that sunset. The beauty I saw in the sunset I also saw in myself. When I felt gratitude even though I was in pain I was connected to the suffering of the world. I was connected to and knew the pain of a woman giving birth, the pain of grieving the death of a friend, the pain of the earth being scorched by fire. Beyond time, distance, differences; connection was real. Then I realized I found a connection to god. I wasn’t looking for it but it happened. But this wasn’t god that I was taught by others. This was the god that is in everything. It is me. It is you. It is everything.
Searching for how and why gratitude and asking are similar, I found a quote that made it clear. Amanda Palmer, says, “Those who can ask without shame are viewing themselves in collaboration with, rather than in competition with, the world.” And there it was. When I am grateful I feel connected with everything in the world and when I ask, without shame, I am in collaboration with the world. That is the same thing. But it makes a clear distinction that it is from a place of knowing our worth. If we ask from a place of not being worthy we are isolated. But when we know our worth and ask, we are connecting with everyone and everything.
[su_quote cite=”Amanda Palmer”]Asking for help with shame says: You have the power over me. Asking with condescension says: I have the power over you. But asking for help with gratitude says: We have the power to help each other.[/su_quote]
This Week’s Gratitude Question
[su_button url=”http://www.ourgratitudecollective.com/activity/” background=”#178fb3″]Think of a time you felt inexplicably connected. What are you grateful for about that experience?[/su_button]
My Gratitude Experience Last Week
I was so grateful to learn from a woman who studies herbs and healing plants. She shared so much about the healing properties of plants but what was most profound to me was her description of being in relationship with plants. She told us to not generalize the plants but to get to know them as individuals. I’ve heard of people talking to plants, singing to plants, etc. But I guess I was finally open enough to really understand this concept for myself. Yes, I can be in relationship with not only my plants but also the weeds that show up as well as the plants and other living things that I see all around.
Forgotten Gratitude
Last week I was also grateful for greeting the sunflowers instead of just rushing to my car … An over-the-top customer service fix that came with a free dinner offer … An article highlighting so many people who didn’t have big success until after their 40’s, exactly what I needed … My dad’s infectious sunflower joy … Dance floor touch that tingled.
A New eCard
Image by Antonia Montoya
The Gratitude I Shared Last Week
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| Sun | 7/19/2015 | I made the most terrible dinner tonight. Seriously. The worst thing I’ve ever put my tastebuds through. So I’m grateful that I had my favorite dessert waiting for me to help erase the taste from my mouth. I’m grateful for so many babies; new life in the family. For big toothy Surplus smiles. For a day off of work and for a Sunday afternoon nap on the couch. I’m grateful for the earthy smell as I ventured outside earlier. There’s nothing quite like summertime nights. |
| Sat | 7/18/2015 | I’m grateful for so many people coming together to honor, heal and love … A nice relaxing nap … A beautiful alter … An energy burst and dancing … The sweet delightful smell of poisonous datura blooms. |
| Fri | 7/17/2015 | I’m grateful for using my senses and becoming more aware of my body, such a beautiful experience … A ceremony of two-spirited connection to spirit … Learning from different cultures … The perfect idea coming to me right when I needed inspiration … Albuquerque synchronicity, knowing great people at every turn. |
| Thu | 7/16/2015 | I am grateful. Yes, I am. So grateful to be seen as a healer and through that mirror to know myself in a new way. I am grateful for tears of love and spirit and open-heartedness. I am grateful for the excitement of giving and the opportunity to be generous. I am grateful for my phone firing right up after I feared it was broken. I’m grateful for lawn cuddling yesterday, I was grateful for it then now again as I reminisce. |
| Wed | 7/15/2015 | I’m grateful for butterflies flying everywhere all around, being medicine … Learning how to have a relationship with plants … A wealth of information and even more open-hearted feeling … I’m grateful for a beautiful summer night filled with music, a huge painted sky family, friends and a churro. |
| Tue | 7/14/2015 | I’m grateful for the gift of presence, given and received, locked eyes and thanks … Getting through my emails and finding forgotten commitments caught just in time … A most powerful inspiring teaching … Taking shelter in my car waiting for the monsoon to pass with a book to entertain me. |
| Mon | 7/13/2015 | I’m grateful for Paolo, the most prefect beautiful baby boy who is the youngest member of our family … I’m grateful for my sister Maria who never ceases to amaze me with doing the impossible again and again; today she delivered her own baby, literally … I’m grateful for perfectly hydrating coconut water with chewy bits of coconut … I’m grateful for healers from so many traditions generously sharing their knowledge, love and skills. |
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[su_note note_color=”#e7e7e7″ text_color=”#686767″ radius=”0″] My gratitude journey started in May 2011 and continues to this day. Thank you for being a part of it! A daily gratitude practice is simple. Write down three things you are grateful for each day. Download your free GratitudeGuide. My clients focus on gratitude and learn from their successes to make the positive changes they want in their lives. You can too. Call me to set up our first meeting 505.333.9336. [/su_note]