Teaching Ourselves to Give with Gratitude
We are taught to always say thank you when we receive a gift, a generous gesture or anything else. But very few of us are taught to say thank you for the opportunity to give. This realization came to me when I read the online rant of someone I know, complaining about the burden of giving.
“Once again, I made it back to my house to finally fucking relax, just to go back out the door to help make another person’s life easier, happier, or more well adjusted than mine. The end result? More than likely I’ll get no thanks or appreciation because somebody always feels like they’re owed something when they’re not and/or they don’t understand the pressure, exhaustion, pain, danger you go through for them.” ~anonymous complainer
When I read this I wanted to ask him, “What are you grateful for about having the opportunity to be of service? or something to that effect. But I didn’t mostly because I have learned to stay out of it unless I can have compassion. So instead, I looked at myself because I have learned that I can’t see something in someone else that I don’t have in myself. So I look inside and see that I have been there. Being of service served with a verbal complaint, or communicating annoyance non-verbally, complaining about it behind their back or even just in my thoughts. Wow. I have done that. I do that.
But my gratitude practice teaches me that gratitude comes in unexpected ways. It comes through giving. It comes through laughter. It comes through struggles big and small. It comes through innocence and wonder and love. It comes through loss. The appreciation this guy is after? It isn’t hearing the words, “thank you”. No matter how genuine the recipient of his service feels it and expresses it, it will never be enough if he doesn’t have gratitude in his heart. And that goes for me too.
“It’s not how much we give but how much love we put into giving.” ~Mother Teresa
So I hope to give with a loving grateful heart. Because giving is not a burden it is an opportunity to put our love in action. I have had the opportunity to give to my sister and my two-week-old nephew through cooking and coordinating others to cook for her. It feels so good. I am definitely grateful. A few months ago on one of the coldest winter days my girlfriend offered a ride to some strangers on a deserted street corner. The gratitude she felt in being of service to them was so strong I was overwhelmed by it just being next to her. It made her night.
So whether you are giving donations to help the relief efforts in Nepal, opening the door for someone, giving an unexpected gift, or even just a smile, think about your intentions and give with love and gratitude.
[su_quote cite=”Nipun Mehta”]With any act of unconditional service no matter how small, our biochemistry actually changes, our mind quiets down, there is this rise in gratefulness. This inner transformation fundamentally shifts the direction of our lives.[/su_quote]
This Week’s Gratitude Question
[su_button url=”http://www.ourgratitudecollective.com/activity/” background=”#178fb3″]What are you grateful to give?[/su_button]
My Gratitude Experience Last Week
Our trash day changed and ever since then the recycle pickup has not been happening on the scheduled day. Last week I heard a trash truck making its way down our street on the wrong day. I peeked out the window and saw the recycle truck going by. I complained about it coming on the wrong day instead of running outside to put my bin out. I figured I didn’t have enough time. As it made its way down our side of the street I started bitching and moaning lots of “I can’t believe” and “Their doing it wrong”. Later as I was leaving I noticed that our recycle bin was on the street and empty. The collector must have gotten out of their truck, moved my bin out to the street and then picked it up. I couldn’t believe it! My complaint instantly turned to gratitude and I realized that earlier I was choosing to complain instead of act to make the situation better.
Forgotten Gratitude
Last week gratitude just kept coming and coming and going. I forgot so much of my gratitude. Here are but a few: Last week I was also grateful for stepping off the porch and into the unexpected sprinkling of rain … Coming up onto a roadrunner in our neighborhood … An iris blooming in our backyard after going so many years without a bloom … A beautiful red-tailed hawk flying right above my car … The recycle truck picking up my recycle bin even though it wasn’t out on the street.
A New eCard
Image by Antonia Montoya
The Gratitude I Shared Last Week
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| Sun | 4/26/2015 | I’m grateful for eating out something I don’t cook, barbeque brisket and collards, so good especially drinking the delicious broth and then much later, a simple and amazingly good dessert at home, dark chocolate fondue with fruit and cookies … I’m grateful for an overcast, cool and moist spring Sunday, embrace the moist … I’m grateful for warm socks … I’m grateful for “yes and”. |
| Sat | 4/25/2015 | I am grateful for a moving performance, bodies in motion evoking my emotion … Having a home, water, heat, never having the experience of losing everything in a natural disaster … The soothing self-care of closed eyes in the dark. |
| Fri | 4/24/2015 | I’m grateful for my truth even when it is not pretty, and realizing I want to commit to actions that demonstrate what is important to me … So many local weeds that have medicinal qualities … Being resourceful in the kitchen … That moment this morning in the quiet rain-soaked yard, taking in the beauty of flowers blooming and so much potential in the planted seeds. |
| Thu | 4/23/2015 | I’m grateful for being treated to a night of theater, all talented women, so engaging and beautiful … Our sweet cuddly dogs, and the inspiration to see them with grateful eyes … Kind-hearted listeners to open up and be vulnerable with. |
| Wed | 4/22/2015 | I’m grateful for being so sleepy right now because it means I’ll be getting to sleep a little earlier tonight. I really enjoyed and appreciated playing music with new people and watching some great aerial acts. I’m grateful for time to talk and be present together, while snacking on the last of my favorite handmade chocolates. |
| Tue | 4/21/2015 | I’m grateful for a celebratory paleta … Nicole generously loaning me her car today while Penny is in the shop … A great webinar, friends, gratitude and a big muted laugh. |
| Mon | 4/20/2015 | I am so very grateful for being rescued when my car decided to spew oil earlier … A refreshing work break running around the empty dog park, all of us smiling … Someone I work with being really upfront about feeling like there was a problem between us, it was so nice to assure her and clear the air with smiles … Starting a work meeting with hugs all around. |
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[su_note note_color=”#e7e7e7″ text_color=”#686767″ radius=”0″] My gratitude journey started in May 2011 and continues to this day. Thank you for being a part of it! A daily gratitude practice is simple. Write down three things you are grateful for each day. Download your free GratitudeGuide. My clients focus on gratitude and learn from their successes to make the positive changes they want in their lives. You can to. Call me to set up our first meeting 505.333.9336. [/su_note]