Notice. Accept. Release.
We are on our second of six weeks of focusing on our inner selves to be the change we wish to see in the world. This week is all about self-acceptance.
Earlier in the week I was having a hard time. It is hard to describe what was going on with me but basically I was feeling very emotional. I was quick to cry and not wanting to engage with loved ones. It lasted a couple of days. Afterward I reflected and realized that instead of judging and analyzing I just noticed my feelings and then made the decision to honor them. I will tell you more about what I did later but for now I just want to celebrate that I noticed and accepted my emotions without judging them. What a relief this was and how exciting to know that I naturally practice self-acceptance sometimes!
So what is self-acceptance?
Let’s start with contemplation of Carl Roger’s Unconditional Positive Regard: accepting and respecting ourselves and others as we are without judgment or evaluation, regardless of what we have said or done. Accepting and respecting yourself no matter what. Yes, no matter what! Sit now and contemplate that. As your resistance and emotions emerge notice, accept and release them.
I always thought that acceptance meant that I was saying that it was OK and sometimes something I did was truly not OK. Then I read this quote which helped me understand that it’s not about right and wrong. It is about our true selves, our true essence.
Self-acceptance says that maybe you’re not right about something, but you’re right within the core of your being.
~Andy Bernay-Roman
Another misunderstanding I had about acceptance was that I thought it was resignation. The following quote addresses that directly:
Acceptance doesn’t mean resignation; it means understanding that something is what it is and that there’s got to be a way through it.
~Michael J. Fox
OK, so it is not about resignation but how do I know? Because once you accept something then opportunity develops. You accept and it frees up the next moment to be something else entirely. When we don’t accept we tend to hold on but when we accept, we release. So if I do something that I don’t like such as gossiping and I get caught in my head about it then I am stuck. If instead I accept the reality that I gossiped then I can release it and choose a new path forward. In fact gossiping might be just what I needed in order to find clarity of my values and choose a new path.
In preparing for this today I heard a wonderful and vulnerable audio lesson on learning from our mistakes. Whether or not you take the twenty minutes to listen to it, I want to highlight one passage.
So all the things you might look at in your life as mistakes as flaws as faults whether its depression or anxiety or drinking or overeating anything that you label as terrible or wrong or bad. What if it was perfect in its own way? What if there is something precious in there that wants your love. Something precious in there that can help you guide your way home?
~Karly Randolph Pitman
It might take us some time to truly understand this concept and it might take us a lifetime to truly embody it. But for now, we can practice it and it will prepare us for next week’s lesson on Self-Compassion.
Practice Self-Acceptance
Notice and Feel
- Examine and/or write down your thoughts and feelings about yourself. I am _____________________. I feel _____________________. I believe ___________________. I wish _______________________. I did/didn’t _________________________. I judge myself for _________________. I hope ___________________. I struggle with ___________________.
Tell Yourself
- Write your own mantra or affirmation in a place you will see it often. I am using my adaptation of Carl Roger’s definition. “I accept and respect myself no matter what I have said or done.” Tell yourself this mantra throughout the day and especially when you are critiquing yourself. When your inner critic tells you that is wrong, remember that it is not about right and wrong. Repeat the mantra.
Appreciate
- Find gratitude for yourself, your life, your situation the way it is right now. Find gratitude for something that you are judging yourself about. Write down something you are grateful for about each of the fill in the blanks from above.
We are exploring and caring for our inner selves through gratitude. Six weeks of self-awareness, learning new skills and practicing them:
This is not a linear process each of these topics and practices will cycle back into the others. As we look at our inner selves we will find gratitude and it will help us accept, have compassion, love, care, and grow.
[su_quote cite=”Carl Jung”]Your vision will become clear only when you can look into your own heart. Who looks outside, dreams; who looks inside, awakens.[/su_quote]
This Week’s Gratitude Question
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My Gratitude Experience Last Week
One day this week I noticed tiny pink buds on a tree and it helped me start to focus on the newness of spring throughout my week. I looked at the subtle difference of the new-growth-green, I noticed the big new flowers, I noticed new leaves. I love how my gratitude practice can create a spiral of noticing and then appreciating.
Forgotten Gratitude
Last week I was also grateful for a beautiful video that showed a way forward to connect when distance seems too much … Embracing my dark lips … So many new members, fills my heart with excitement and hope.
A New eCard
Image by Antonia Montoya
The Gratitude I Shared Last Week
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| Sun | 3/22/2015 | I’m grateful for a walk in the park at dusk to help soothe my belly … A hug from a stranger, a sort of thank you for making eye contact and engaging … My daily coffee, darkest French roast and a healthy breakfast of steel cut oats. I enjoyed it thoroughly and then it reached a new level when Eden brought me three slices of perfect F&T bacon. |
| Sat | 3/21/2015 | I’m grateful for a beautiful spring day, getting out into the world early, getting shit done, seeing beautiful art, so many yard sales … A beautiful moment holding each other in front of the huge moon a slight bright sliver and full majestic earthshine … So much family love and support. |
| Fri | 3/20/2015 | I’m grateful for a day to slow down and take care of myself … I’m grateful for the healing sound of water flowing downstream … I’m grateful for the hawk that flew up right in front of me, so close I could’ve reached out and touched it. |
| Thu | 3/19/2015 | I’m grateful for support during my anxiety-inducing appointment, easy-on-the-eyes mood lighting … Going with the flow and getting pulled out of the darkness with lots of distractions and words … Open-hearted stories of the spirit world, dreams and powerful visions … New voices here, grateful and open. |
| Wed | 3/18/2015 | I’m grateful for rain so much mud-making, windshield-covering, refreshing rain … Feeling my nephews tiny little bones moving about in my sister’s womb … A fresh baked dairy-free and even gluten-free cinnamon roll, made special for us, with an abundance of sweet cinnamon goodness … Connecting with my fellow board members socially, it was really nice to get to know each other. |
| Tue | 3/17/2015 | I’m grateful that time is always passing, when something isn’t the way I want I can accept it of course but just being at peace and waiting has been doing wonders. I felt so grateful to see little pink buds with tiny petals opening ever so slightly. I’ve been messaging a lot of people and I am so grateful to be able to have conversations about gratitude and how it positively affects their lives. I’m also grateful to have surrounded myself with people who see the beauty in the world through good times and bad. I’m grateful for an extra half hour to slowly start my morning. |
| Mon | 3/16/2015 | I’m grateful for getting my work done and having a creative direction laid out for the next month and a half … I’m grateful for earplugs … I’m grateful for an appointment just in time … Informative articles that make me really think and reflect. |
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My gratitude journey started in May 2011 and continues to this day. Thank you for being a part of it!
A daily gratitude practice is simple. Write down three things you are grateful for each day. Download your free GratitudeGuide.
My clients focus on gratitude and learn from their successes to make the positive changes they want in their lives. You can to. Call me to set up our first meeting 505.333.9336.
Created by Antonia Montoya[/su_note]